Daffy Definitions

Aquadextrious:
 The art of turning the bathtub tap on with your toes.

Pain:
 A cat licking your sunburn.

Budget:A method for going broke methodically.

Willpower:
 The ability to eat only one salted peanut.

Profanity:
The linguistic crutch of inarticulate idiots.

Boat:
 A hole in the water surrounded by wood into
 which one pours money.

Bachelor:
One who treats all women as sequels.

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper,
 fire at one end, fool at the other.

Flashlight:
 A case for holding dead batteries.

Taxpayer:
Someone who doesn't have to take a public
service exam to work for the government.

Consciousness:
That annoying time between naps.

Stress:
The confusion created when ones mind overrides
the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out
 of some idiot who desperately needs it.

Jury:
Twelve people who determine which client
 has the better lawyer

Chickens:
The only animals you eat before they are
born and after they're dead.

Hospitality:
Making your guests feel at home,
even if you wish they were.

Adult:
 A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.

Source: Internet

Life Is A Gift

Today before you think of saying an unkind word–think of someone who can’t speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food–think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife–think of someone who is crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life–think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children–think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn’t clean or sweep–think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive–think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job–think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another–remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down–put a smile on your face and thank God you’re alive and still around.

Life is a gift – Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, and Fulfill it.

Beginning Today...,

Beginning today I will no longer worry about yesterday. It is in the past and the past will never change. Only I can change by choosing to do so.

Beginning today I will no longer worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will always be there, waiting for me to make the most of it. But I cannot make the most of tomorrow without first making the most of today.

Beginning today I will look in the mirror and I will see a person worthy of my respect and admiration. This capable person looking back at me is someone I enjoy spending time with and someone I would like to get to know better.

Beginning today I will cherish each moment of my life. I value this gift bestowed upon me in this world and I will unselfishly share this gift with others. I will use this gift to enhance the lives of others.

Beginning today I will take life one day at a time, one step at a time. Discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self-image, my desire to succeed or my capacity to love.

Beginning today I will open my mind and my heart. I will welcome new experiences. I will meet new people. I will not expect perfection from myself nor anyone else: perfection does not exist in an imperfect world. But I will applaud the attempt to overcome human foibles.

Beginning today I will learn something new; I will try something different; I will savor all the various flavors life has to offer. I will change what I can and the rest I will let go. I will strive to become the best me I can possibly be.

        Moral Stories

The Little Boy

Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: “How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?”

The surgeon said, “I’m sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn’t make it.”

Sally said, “Why do little children get cancer? Doesn’t God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?”

The surgeon asked, “Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he’s transported to the university.”

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair.

“Would you like a lock of his hair?” the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy’s hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, “It was Jimmy’s idea to donate his body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else. “I said no at first, but Jimmy said, ‘Mom, I won’t be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.” She went on, “My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.”

Sally walked out of Children’s mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy’s belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy’s belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son’s room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

“Dear Mom,

I know you’re going to miss me; but don’t think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just ’cause I’m not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. 

Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won’t be so lonely, that’s okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn’t like the same things us boys do. You’ll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don’t be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn’t look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! 

And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God’s knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. 

That’s when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn’t allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him ‘Where was He when I needed him?’ “God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I’ve written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn’t that cool? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I’m, sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don’t hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I’m glad because I couldn’t stand that pain anymore and God couldn’t stand to see me hurt so much, either. That’s when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from: God, Jesus & Me.”

Author Unknown

Juggle Balls

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends and spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How?

• Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
   
• Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
   
• Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
   
• Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
   
• Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
   
• Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.
   
• Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
   
• Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
   
• Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.
   
• Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
   
• Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
   
• Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

By Coca Cola CEO Brian Dyson

A Smile

A smile costs nothing, but gives much.

It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give.

It takes a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor, but that he can be made rich by it.

A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship.

It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is nature’s best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone, until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile; Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

Learn And Earn

Chuan and Jing joined a wholesale company together just after graduation. Both worked very hard.
After several years, the boss promoted Jing to sales executive but Chuan remained a sales rep. One day Chuan could not take it anymore, tender resignation to the boss and complained the boss did not value hard working staff, but only promoted those who flattered him.

The boss knew that Chuan worked very hard for the years, but in order to help Chuan realize the difference between him and Jing, the boss asked Chuan to do the following. Go and find out anyone selling water melon in the market? Chuan returned and said yes. The boss asked how much per kg? Chuan went back to the market to ask and returned to inform boss the $12 per kg.

Boss told Chuan, I will ask Jing the same question? Jing went, returned and said, boss, only one person selling water melon. $12 per kg, $100 for 10 kg, he has inventory of 340 melons. On the table 58 melons, every melon weighs about 15 kg, bought from the South two days ago, they are fresh and red, good quality.

Chuan was very impressed and realized the difference between himself and Jing. He decided not to resign but to learn from Jing.

My dear friends, a more successful person is more observant, think more and understand in depth. For the same matter, a more successful person sees several years ahead, while you see only tomorrow.

The difference between a year and a day is 365 times, how could you win?

Think! how far have you seen ahead in your life? How thoughtful in depth are you?

Positive Quotes

“Keep true, never be ashamed of doing right; decide on what you think is right and stick to it.” T.S. Eliot

“If you think about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience.” Swami Vivekananda

“The sun does not shine for a few trees and flowers, but for the wide world’s joy.” Henry Ward Beecher

“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”

“Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.”

“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.” W. Clement Stone

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill

“You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.” Ralph Marston

“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” John Jakes

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” Epicurus

“When you put faith, hope and love together, you can raise positive kids in a negative world.”

“To begin to think with purpose is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment.” James Allen

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.” William Allen White

“When the sun rises, it rises for everyone.”

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”
Harriet Beecher Stowe

“That’s my gift. I let that negativity roll off me like water off a duck’s back. If it’s not positive, I didn’t hear it. If you can overcome that, fights are easy.” George Foreman

“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.” Zig Ziglar

“It is important that you recognize your progress and take pride in your accomplishments. Share your achievements with others. Brag a little. The recognition and support of those around you is nurturing.”
Rosemarie Rossetti

“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” Malcolm X

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.”
Oprah Winfrey

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”
Willie Nelson

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours” Swedish Proverb

“These then are my last words to you. Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.” William James

Happiness Quotes

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” Frederick Keonig

“People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel” Irwin Federman

“Each moment of a happy lover’s hour is worth an age of dull and common life” Aphra Behn

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be” Marcel Pagnol

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” Albert Einstein

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.” Stacey Charter

“Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them.”

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.

Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” Dale Carnegie

“It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.”

“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”  George Sand

“Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.” Maxim Gork

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” Robert Muller

“Happiness is like a kiss…you must share it to enjoy it.”

“To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.” Helen Rowland

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” Albert Ellis

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.” Anthony de Mello

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” Epictetus

“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you” Nathaniel Hawthorne

Making Assumptions

A policeman was heading home after a long, hard day on patrol. He had dealt with a whole succession of difficult people, and a mountain of frustrating paperwork. All he wanted at this point was to kick back, unwind, enjoy some peace and quiet, and maybe watch a few innings of baseball on TV.

But, as he neared home, he was startled by a vehicle that came careening around a sharp curve and narrowly missed his squad car. As the car passed within a few inches of him, the other driver shouted “Pig!”

The police officer was suddenly energized. He slammed on brakes, all set to turn his squad car around and head off in hot pursuit. But as he rounded the curve, … he ran head-on into a large pig that was standing in the middle of the road!

It’s a lesson we learn early in life if we’re lucky: don’t assume! No matter how confident we are in our understanding of the issue. No matter how certain of another's reasoning or motives. No matter how obvious the point may be to us. Effective communication is far more complicated and difficult than we think. With barriers like cultural differences, personal “filters,” different definitions, etc., it’s amazing that any of us ever understand one another. But these aren’t the most difficult obstacles. The biggest reason we aren’t able to hear what another is saying to us is simply… “fear!”

Oh, we may camouflage it behind anger, self-importance or any number of other false fronts, but at the root is fear. Fear of being “found out,” or of being disappointed, or of not getting what we want.

 It’s a powerful if crippling motivator. And most of us can summon up plenty of reasons why we shouldn’t take another at face value. Honest communication requires trust, and taking a risk. And we’ve been burned too many times. So we settle for safety, make the natural assumption, and run head-on into our own version of that pig as we journey down life’s highway!

There is a better way. A way that recognizes our similarities. That sees others as a source of community and healing. That looks past our own frustration and previous disappointments to explore the possibility that even a “stranger” may have something positive to say. The Apostle Paul described it in Corinthians, chapter 13. It’s the “higher way” of love. I almost hesitate to use that term these days because of the way our culture misuses it. But when you read Paul’s description, try substituting “maturity.” It’s a perfect fit. The risks are higher for this way of living, but so are the rewards.

Another (anonymous) writer cautions:

“To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk appearing sentimental. To reach out for another is to risk involvement. To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self. To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss. To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To hope is to risk despair. To try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Chained by their certitudes they are a slave, they have forfeited their freedom. Only a person who risks is free.”

That doesn’t mean we should be naive. It does mean we should be careful what we assume. Check it out. Give others the benefit of the doubt. And if someone shouts something unexpected at us, at least entertain the possibility that perhaps it may be more than a personal insult. Who knows, that approach could change our life.

By CAPT J. David Atwater, CHC, USN

 

Before The Meeting

BEFORE THE MEETING

Lord, in my need I come before Thee for meeting time is drawing near

And I see a picture rise before me – the faces of Thy children dear,

Bought with the life of Thine own Son; I name them over one by one.

And I, the least one, most unworthy, ask now this blessing, Lord, of Thee,

That Thou would grant to me a message for everyone whose need might be

A need that Thou wouldst long to meet, as there we sit at Jesus’ feet.

Lord, in my need I come before Thee; remember now my need, I pray.

Grant that my heart be soft and tender. Oh, put all hardness far away;

Teach me to do my little share before the meeting, Lord, in prayer.

AFTER THE MEETING

After the meeting is over and you go refreshed on your way,

Do you think of the message next morning and all that God had to say?

Do you gather the bit that was helpful and seek to work it in

To a garment that may make you more worthy of Him?

After the meeting is over, Satan is busy still

To try to do all he can to keep you from doing God's will.

It is only the bit that we practice that proves that we mean to be true,

So after the meeting is over, God help me to be and to do."

By Jack Jackson 

My Human Pet

When I was just a kitten,

My mother said to me.

     "Someday, you'll have a human pet,

They're cuddly and they're free".

She said "They're awful clumsy,

They stumble, trip, and fall.

They cannot even see a Cat,

 Sleeping in a hall".

"They act as if they own the place,
They're bossy every day".
"You'll learn you must ignore them

It's just the human way".
So, I took my Mom's advice,
I got a human pet.

I have named her Anne,
And she's cuddly as they get.

Owning Anne's been some fun,

And usually we are friends.

 

But she can be a handful,

I'm glad she wasn't twins.

Humans really aren't too bright,

Their brains are small, I guess.

While trying hard to train her,

I've not had much success.

 

She doesn't seem to understand,

How things are 'posed to be.

 

She insists on being headstrong,

Not mellowed out, like me.

She hasn't learned to lick herself,

To keep her body clean.

 

 

And when it comes to purring,
She isn't very keen.

She plays on her computer,
Just wasting time away.
When playing with a ball of string,

Could really make her day.

She's seems content to sit there,

Banging on those keys.

 

While I inspect her ankles,
Checking them for fleas.
When my neighbors visit me,
We sneak out to the bushes.
We laugh about our human pets,

While sitting on our tushes.

 

 

Anne's getting up in years,
And becoming rather slow.
There are a lot of cats out there,

Who'd say she has to go.

 

 

But I'm inclined to keep her,
I've considered this a lot.

Why train another human pet,
When I love the one I've GOT.

 

 

 Source:  www.wackywits.com

Quotes With A Picture

Source: Internet

Magnolias

I was getting ready for my daughter June's wedding which was taking place in a church about forty miles away, and felt loaded with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle..... So many details, so many bills, and so little time.

My son Jack said he would walk his younger sister down the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three years old!

To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the church.

The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiancé Tim walked with me to the sanctuary to do a final check. When we opened the door and felt a rush of hot air, I almost fainted; and then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black. An electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning system, and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died.

I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding and I certainly didn't have extra money to buy a new set from the florist in town.

Tim turned to me. 'Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh flowers in these arrangements.'

I mumbled, 'Sure,' as he be-bopped down the hall to put on his cuff links.

Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling. 'Lord,' I prayed, 'please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help me find someone willing to give me flowers - in a hurry!' I scurried out praying for the blessing of white magnolias.

As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance. I approached a
house.... no dog in sight.... knocked on the door and an older man answered. So far so good. No shotgun. When I stated my plea the man beamed and said.... 'I'd be happy to!'

He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down to me. Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, 'Sir, you've made the mother of a bride happy today.'

No, Ma'am,' he said. 'You don't understand what's happening here.'

'What?' I asked.

'You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I
received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday..... He paused.

I saw tears welling up in his eyes. 'On Wednesday I buried her.' He looked away. 'On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went back home, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left.'

I nodded.

'This morning,' he continued, 'I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I
miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old wore-out man? Nobody!' I began to cry louder. 'Nobody needs me!'

About that time, you knocked, and said, 'Sir, I need you.'

I stood with my mouth open. He asked, 'Are you an angel? I assured him I was no angel.

He smiled. 'Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?'

'No.'

'I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flower ministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeral home have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of them. They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!'

I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's wedding day, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, I would have said, 'Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today.'

But God found a way. Through dead flowers. 'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'

If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.

If you have missed some of my emails, you may have missed a laugh.

But, if you have missed knowing God you have missed everything in the world!! He can be your everything. May God's blessings be upon you.

THIS IS SO TRUE.... BEING NEEDED IS SO UPLIFTING TO EACH OF US.

Source: Friend

Beautiful Flowers

Source: Friends