More Thoughts

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Nothing hurts more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Just tell me how are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Was learning cursive writing really necessary?

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

You know your old when your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

You know your old when a gorgeous babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

You know your old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You know your old when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

You know your old when "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

You know your old when your secrets are now safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

Men should never wear wigs

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are, "I apologize" and "you are right."

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.

Learn to pick your battles; Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it, or anything else, with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; Some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; we just borrow it while we're here... even our kids.

Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

If you are going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it,you may as well laugh about it now.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Nobody thinks about you as much as you think about you

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

Your family comes first, but not to the detriment of everything else

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.

It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Never lick a steak knife.

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.



Source: Internet Email