Personal Dedication

This is for Southern Belles, Ladies who should  have been Southern Belles, and those who would be Southern Belles if they knew the rules.

And if you ever have a hankering to learn the rules, just watch "Steel Magnolias" or "The Divine Secrets Of The Ya Ya Sisterhood." Or, if you fancy readin, invest a couple of bucks in a couple of books on real Southern heritage called "The Sweet Potato Queens Book Of Love" & "God Save The Sweet Potato Queens." Best money y'all will ever spend! Now, on with the show! Ya Ya!

Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." 

For example: "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six lane highway." Or, "Bless her heart, she's so bucktoothed, she could eat an apple through a picket fence."

There are also the sneakier ones: "You know, it's amazing that even though she had that baby 7 months after they were married, bless her heart, it weighed 10 pounds."

As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all that bad.

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about her new transplanted Northern friend who was upset because her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Southern accent. My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this.

After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. "Can you believe it?" said her friend.  "A child of mine is going to be taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss."

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread!

The ones that really gore my ox are the native Southerners who have begun to act almost embarrassed about their speech. We've already lost too much.

I was raised to say "I swanee," not "I swear," but you hardly ever hear any one say that anymore. I swanee you don't.

And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is "right much," "right close," or "right good" because non-natives think this is right funny indeed.

I reckon that just like that Dennis Miller, bless his heart, I am fixin to go off on a rant here.
 
I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin" to do something. And, bless their hearts, they don't even know  where "over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means!  

My personal favorite was my aunt saying, "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home."

I hope y'all got some education about us Southern Belles from this. If not, I reckon y'all will just have to get your appreciation for the finer things in life from somewhere less blessed than the South, bless your hearts.

Now y'all come back when y'all can sit a spell, and we'll have us some pecan pie or some peach cobbler and some sweet tea!

Bye Y'all!

Source: wackywits